How to rebuild your life - all about the utilities

When you are going through a divorce, there are a lot of preparations you have to do. You will want to make sure that you are hitting on all of the things that you need to so that you are not missing anything.  You will want to make a list of the items that you have to do so that you can have it done and ready with no problems.  This will help you in the rebuilding of your new life after divorce.
You will find that you will have to start over to put it plainly when you are divorced. You will have to start out on your own again and learn how to do things on your own.  You will have to take care of your home and all the things that go along with having your own home.  It is a very long process but one that will make you feels good when you have it all accomplished.
There are many utilities that you will have to get put into your name once you are divorced. You will have to make sure that you are starting your own form of credit so that you are established and ready to have these things put into your name. Sometimes utility companies will not issue you credit with out you first having some sort of credit already established. You will have to figure out the best way to do this.
You will want to make sure that you are separating all of the accounts that were once in both names. You need to do this as soon as possible to avoid any type of complication later on down the road.  You need to then start building up your credit so that you can start your own good name going.  Having utilities is a big and important step to rebuilding your life and getting back on track. 
The main companies that you need to make sure you call are the electric, water, garbage, phone and car insurance companies. You will want to make sure that you are contacting these agencies at once. This is going to make it easier for you to get things started soon and a lot easier. This is a great start to getting your own name rebuilt so that you are happy and able to enjoy life to the fullest. 
The one thing that you need to also be making sure that the past balances are paid off. You may have to do this first before you decide to switch them into your name if you are staying in the same location where you and your spouse lived. This is going to be important because if you have bills from when the other person lived at the location, you may be entitled a reimbursement for this money.  You will have to discuss this with your attorney and spouse and see how it all works out. 
When you are making the switch for all of the utilities you will want to make sure that you are paying the bills on time.  This will be better for you when it comes time to get credit for other things. You will want to make sure that you are on time and paying the balance off as much as you can. This will help you get your life rebuilt and back on the right track where you belong. There is nothing wrong with wanting to do better for yourself and with the right help and a little determination you can do it.  You will see that you will have a better life and be happier once you get out there on your own and surviving! 


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How to rebuild your life - about the house in your name

Usually in a divorce, the couple that is divorcing needs to make the decision about who is going to keep the house.  They need to work this out on their own or make sure that the courts address it. You have to make the decision about what will be done with the property. There are many different options and it is important to make sure that the decision is best for everyone involved.
In a divorce it is usually determined what is going to be done with the house.  You can either sell it and split the profits between the two people that are getting divorced if they own it, one person can offer to let the other one have it, or the other party will buy out the ex spouse.  It will depend on how the divorce is settled to determine this decision.  It is always better when things are worked out easily, but sometimes this is not possible and the couple will have to seek the help from an attorney or court system.
If you are the one that is ready to take on the challenge of keeping the home, you will want to make sure of a few things first. You will want to be certain that you can take on the mortgage payments.  You will have to decide if this is a payment that you can afford each month.  You must make sure that you have thought about your income now that you are divorced and what you will be able to afford. 
You will also want to think about the fact if you really do want the house or not. You have to want the house because it is where you want to stay and not just be the winner of the house to spite the other person.  You have to get through these feelings and then determine if this is where you want to stay and rebuild your life after the divorce. 
Sometimes it is better for the couples to decide if they should sell the house or not.  It is important to think about the financial security that you have in time and think about what you can afford to loose and gain in the situation.  Do you really want to start your new life over in a house that you once shared with your ex?  Is this the house that you grew up in and want to keep it for sentimental value, or do you want to make sure that your children are raised in the home that they know and love?  These are a few of things that sometimes people need to think about and have the right answers for when it comes time to decide what to do with the house.
If you are the one to be leaving the house after a divorce, you will want to see how it will affect your credit.  If your name is on the mortgage to the house, and your ex spouse does not pay, you will be responsible for the loan and your credit may suffer because of it.  The lender wants their money no matter if you are living in the home or not.  If you own money on the home it may also make it hard for you to go out and purchase your own home later on because of the outstanding balance on this one. 
It will be important for you to either make arrangements with the ex that they are going to be faithful in paying the mortgage or have this documented in the divorce or you may just want to have them get your name off of the mortgage.  This may require them to refinance the home in their name only so that you are not longer financially linked to the home.  This is something that you will have to think about and make sure that you have everything set before the divorce is final.  You want to protect yourself as well as keep things settled and peaceful with your ex. 



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Collaborative Divorce

Authors of Collaborative Divorce

We know from long experience that only collaborative divorce -- not old-style adversarial legal representation, and not a single mediator working with or without lawyers in the picture -- views divorce as a complex experience requiring advice and counsel from multiple perspectives if it is to be navigated well. Collaborative divorce prepares you to deal with the emotional challenges and changes associated with divorce and provides the resources that can best help you make a healthy transition from married to single.

Collaborative divorce builds in important protections for children, too. It informs you fully about how your children are experiencing the divorce and what they need to weather the big changes in their family structure without harm. It helps protect your future relationship with your spouse by informing both of you fully -- together, at the same time -- about the financial realities of your marriage and divorce in a way that eliminates pointless arguments about economic issues. It also teaches you and your spouse new ways of problem solving and conflict resolution so that you develop useful skills for addressing your differences more constructively in the future. Further, collaborative divorce

Helps you clarify your individual and shared values and priorities
Helps you and your spouse reach maximum consensus
Includes complete advice about the law without using legal rights as the sole template for negotiation and resolution
Helps you and your spouse resolve serious differences creatively and without destructive conflict
Helps parents improve their ability to coparent after divorce
Builds in agreements about resolution of future differences after the divorce is over
Focuses not only on resolving past differences but also on planning for healthy responses to current challenges and on laying a strong foundation for the future after the divorce is over
Aims toward deep resolution, not shallow peace
Why You Do Not Want an "Old-Style Divorce"

We're confident that, like the people we work with every day, you want to protect yourself and your loved ones from the havoc that an old-style divorce can wreak in your lives. Let's summarize the facts you now know about old-style divorce:

It is based on the centuries-old belief that divorce is wrong and abnormal
It seeks to find fault and mete out punishment
It focuses on the past
It is premised on conflict
It is constrained by an arbitrary legal framework intended to resolve matters of right and wrong by the exchange of money
It aims at a deal, not deep resolution
It fails to take into account current understandings of how people are wired, what they need in times of change, what children need during and after divorce, and how families change and restructure
What's more, we know that old-style divorce is bad for individuals, families, and communities because

It's expensive
It's hurtful and damaging
It's "one size fits all"
It deems irrelevant many common concerns that are extremely important to most people because judges can't issue enforceable orders about them
It focuses on the past
It encourages unrealistic expectations on the part of both spouses about what should happen in the divorce
It resolves disputes through competing predictions of what a judge would do rather than focusing on what you and your partner can agree on
It won't provide essential help to you or those you care about
The emotional and social costs are incalculable
Luckily, we live in an era when there is finally a better option -- one that can end a marriage without destroying a family or setting into motion negative effects that can bedevil family members for a lifetime.

Why Collaborative Divorce Works So Well

The reasons why collaborative divorce does such a good job of helping most people achieve their own "best divorce" are simple. Collaborative divorce addresses the financial and legal matters that must be resolved in any divorce, but it does so more effectively because it provides the built-in help of three professions, not just one. The design of collaborative divorce -- with its team of professionals, its systematic attention to values, its emphasis on healthy relationships, and its focus on the future -- takes into account the broad spectrum of what really matters to most people when their marriages end. It considers not only the two spouses but those around them who also matter to the divorcing couple and who will be both directly and indirectly affected by a good or a bad divorce: children, families, and even extended families, friends, and colleagues. It applies what we know about marriage and divorce from the realms of psychology, sociology, history, law, communication theory, conflict resolution theory, finance, and other realms in a very practical, useful, and concrete way.

Collaborative Divorce Deals With What People Actually Experience in Divorce

Unlike any other divorce conflict resolution process that has come before, collaborative divorce teams make constant use of vital information about how people are "wired," how we think, how our emotions affect our ability to communicate effectively and to process information, how we experience pain and loss, how we recover from the end of a marriage, what our children are experiencing and what they need in the divorce, and what the needs of each member of the family after the divorce are likely to be. In this way, collaborative divorce offers constructive, comprehensive, multidisciplinary professional support that responds to the actual complexities of divorce as people experience it, rather than imposing an old-fashioned, limited institutional legal point of view as the sole perspective on a complex human experience.

Reprinted from Collaborative Divorce: The Revolutionary New Way to Restructure Your Family, Resolve Legal Issues, and Move on with Your Life by Pauline H. Tesler, M.A., J.D., & Peggy Thompson, Ph.D. Copyright © 2006 Pauline H. Tesler & Peggy Thompson. Published by Regan Books; June 2006;$25.95US/$33.50CAN; 0-06-088943-8

Authors
Pauline H. Tesler, M.A., J.D., has been a specialist in family law certified by California State Bar Board of Legal Specialization since 1985. She is a fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers and lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her husband. www.lawtsf.com

Peggy Thompson, Ph.D., has been a licensed psychologist specializing in families and children for thirty years. For the past fifteen years, she has been actively involved in the development and practice of collaborative divorce. Peggy lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her husband.


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10 Tips for Self Care During Divorce

What a gift you will give yourself and everyone around you if you are committed and willing to take extreme measures for self care during a divorce.  A divorce is a separation from a union and even the most straightforward, uncomplicated circumstances include unforeseen hiccups.

There are plenty of chances to observe who you are in this stressful situation.  Healing comes to those who rather than blame life’s experiences, give thanks for the growth potential being offered.  I know this is a stretch to accept when you are in the midst of divorce, and I’d like you to trust that it is likely to be true for you.

I made full use of the time during my second divorce to really pay attention to how I was feeling.  Even in my misery I looked for glimpses of clarity, wisdom, and understanding about what part I had played in the story.  It takes two to tango, so you will only benefit from learning more about yourself, seeing where you need to shore up your foundation, and taking action so that a next relationship will be fulfilling in ways that you want.  In order to face who you are, to get perspective, it is important to take very good care of yourself, especially during the divorce process.

1. Set up your own space.  If you can afford to have a separate living arrangement during your divorce proceedings and it does not interfere with legal requirements for the outcome you are hoping for, find a separate space.  If you are financially strapped, create a separate space in the dwelling you share and make it appealing.  Buy yourself flowers for the room, get new artwork for the wall, colorful throw cushions, new sheets and towels.

2. Eat healthy foods.  Divorce is a stress marathon - use extreme measures in your exercise and nutrition plans to remain healthy, or become healthy.

3. Get outside, walk, walk, walk or run or mosey or amble.  This will go a long way to soothing the jangled nerves you are likely to experience.

4. Bitch, moan, tear out your hair, cry, wail, take a breath and then repeat as often as necessary until you get tired of hearing yourself repeat the saga of your breakup and why you are right and your soon to be ex is all wrong.

5. Start a new career or hobby.  You will meet new people, engage your creativity and have a new outlet.

6. Understand that this experience will have an end and a new beginning.  Prepare to forgive yourself and your new ex and be willing to move on.

7. Evaluate your friendships and make whatever adjustments you feel are necessary.  Sometimes there is a need to make new friends and say goodbye to relationships that are fraught with unrepairable history.

8. Daydream about your next partner and relationship.  In order to be ready for a new and improved relationship, you need to know what you want and also need to see what parts of you need healing and nurturing.

9. Get reliable, recommended legal counsel.  Be prepared  for the process to take longer than you thought.  Save your energy.  You are not likely to speed up the process.

10. Understand that this experience may be an opportunity for growth and insight.  Be gentle with yourself, be prepared to make changes in your life and outlook.  Get ready for the adventure of discovering yourself.



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5 Ways To Numb The Financial Pain Of Divorce

Whether it comes before or after the papers are signed, economic hardship is all too familiar to many couples who divorce. Following a few financial guidelines can ease the burden during this difficult time.

Each year, 1 million Americans divorce. More than 80 percent of divorcing couples cite “debt and financial distress” as the primary factor in the dissolution of their marriages, according to an American Bar Association survey, and studies find that most families suffer a financial decline following a divorce. By taking steps to protect credit, families can come through in much better shape. Bills.com, a national consumer finance portal, encourages divorcing couples to take the following steps:

1. Accurately assess debts and liabilities. First, see yourself as your creditors do. Online (see http://www.myfico.com ) or by phone, you can request a "tri-merge" credit report (a summary from all three major credit reporting bureaus). Note all of your existing shared and individual liabilities. Settle (or get a judgment) on how you'll allocate these responsibilities.

2. Plan on how to handle your home. If you own a home, the mortgage is likely your most significant monthly payment. Be certain you understand how you'll resolve monthly mortgage payments, and how you'll divide the home's value – whether one partner buys out the other now, or the home is to be sold after children are grown.

3. Budget for payments. Create a detailed budget, based on your new income level, and use free cash flow to pay off debts. Most people find the most efficient way to pay off debts is to first pay off smaller bills – starting with under $100 – then pay off loans and unsecured debt, such as credit cards, beginning with the account with the highest interest rate.

4. Make sure your ex-spouse is making his or her payments. If possible, make provisions in the divorce agreement for reporting on resolution of significant debt. There are important implications for you personally if your spouse does not meet his/her end of the bargain on liabilities allocated through the divorce proceedings.

Call all creditors for shared accounts (credit cards, gas cards, department store cards, phone cards, etc.). Close the accounts if you are not carrying balances, or remove your name from jointly held accounts. Remember that for jointly held credit cards, and for any other debts incurred during the marriage in community property states, you have shared liability – and thereby share any potential negative credit rating impact. This means that if your spouse does not make payments after the divorce, it could come back to haunt you – and your credit rating.

If you owe back taxes, be aware that the IRS does not have to honor a decision from a divorce judgment. Consult a tax expert to help with your divorce tax planning.

5. Focus on rehabilitating your credit and financial health. Begin a savings plan. Reinvest any proceeds or equity that come out of the divorce proceeding, and be especially cognizant of building yourself a retirement fund for the future.

If you find yourself in trouble during this stressful time -- in which you must make many financial decisions -- seek help immediately from a reliable, professional debt resolution firm. Be sure to investigate the company you choose to assist you, and seek out a company that operates for the consumer, which is markedly different from credit counseling, debt consolidation, and debt management firms.


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"5 Ways To Ensure You Will Have a Happy Life After Divorce"

In fact, think about having a life after divorce while getting a divorce can be a sticking point for some people because they just aren't sure what their life will "look like" after divorce.

Here's 5 things to keep in mind so can have a life after divorce:

Life after divorce item 1: Think about your emotional stability...if you wanted the divorce or not, you must face it head on.
Divorce is tough and whether you're going through it or your are already past it, your emotional stability is of vital importance because you might tend to be somewhat touchy after going through an emotional ordeal. Keep in mind that your life after divorce can be great but you must admit that you will go through (or have gone through) a trying time in your life. Admitting this and facing your situation head on is important to your emotional stability and critical to you having a happy life after divorce.

Life after divorce item 2: Look at the bright side, having life after divorce could be a new start for you!
How may times in your life do you wish you could have just started over knowing what you know now? If you answered "many", don't worry, that's a common thought most of us have. Having a positive mental attitude about your new beginning will make a huge difference in how happy your life will be after divorce. Life after divorce can be fantastic and it can also be very tough if you don't remain positive about a what's in front of you. Look at the glass as being "half full" and realize that, in order to be happy after divorce, you must take advantage of the opportunity to get a fresh start!

Life after divorce item 3: Surround yourself with people you like in your free time.
Too often times people start new relationships with just about anyone because they are lonely while getting a divorce or after getting a divorce. Sparking a relationship, romantic or friendly, with anyone and everyone who will spend time with you can contribute to unhappiness in your life after divorce. Stop and think about the people that you spend time with and ask yourself, "Once my emotional turmoil has ended, would I really want to keep the relationship going with this person?". Life after divorce is tough...so, when you're deciding about divorce, going through one, or already have been through a divorce, make sure that you carefully choose who to spend your free time with or you may fall into more negativity in your life after divorce.

Life after divorce item 4: Make it a point to spend time doing things that you like to do every week.
Make sure that you spend time enjoying your life after divorce - don't forget to 'stop and smell the roses'. Some people vent, work, go into hiding, or just plain go haywire after getting a divorce and their subsequent life after divorce isn't as healthy as possible. At least once a week, take the time to go and do something that you really enjoy doing...it will help you deal with your life after divorce in a more pleasing manner.

Life after divorce item 5: Set specific goals and implement a plan to achieve those goals.
Life after divorce is a tumultuous time, your life can seemingly be 'in the balance'. In order to make sure that you feel good about yourself and enjoy the feeling that accomplishment brings, think about a goal or set of goals that you've always had but never attained. Then, prioritize those goals and devise a plan to obtain them, one by one. Implement each plan and be happy (in fact celebrate) once you've reached your goal. Your life after divorce will be markedly better and healthier if you take this concept to heart and follow it.

Visualizing your life after divorce (and thinking about what your life might be like after divorce) is a sound and logical thing to do in order to be happy after divorce. Your life after divorce does not need to be a continuation of the pain you might have gone through or are currently going through.

Life after divorce can be extremely liberating if you act based on logic plus positive emotions rather than negativity. If divorce is eminent or you've already been through divorce, take the time to actually plan your life after divorce.


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